You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
