she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need a beard to bite.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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