You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
