You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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