I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
