I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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