Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
