plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize