I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
