I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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