I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
