Sry I called you an 8
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
