She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
