yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
