So drunk its hurt
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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