In the future we'll all be gay
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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