somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
