Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
