Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
only if we run a train.
done.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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