The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
