There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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