If i come over, it means nothing
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
