i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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