i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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