this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
