threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
