Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
