you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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