Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
