I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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