What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am in a vortex of obligation.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
