My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
