So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize