my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
