Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
