It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
