Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
