If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
