i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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