Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
