just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize