Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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