Got a toothbrush?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
