oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
