Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
