and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize