Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
