i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
