ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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