Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
