I cannot find my penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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