the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
