I want to have your abortion
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
