I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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