Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
