yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This baby is an asshole
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
