I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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