im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
