we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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