im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize