The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
