MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
