Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize