Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
