I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize