She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
