She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
