Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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