"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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